ps the words i used were from my post the time before last....
Friday, October 3, 2008
having fun with words....
so after searching on the interwebs for some ideas on a tshirt design for my program here at UT i came across this really cool site where it will take text and basically organize it in a really cool (i'm describing this really bad but i'm tired)...anyways after coming up with a few ideas for GST i decided to try to describe me and here is my final product:
ps the words i used were from my post the time before last....
ps the words i used were from my post the time before last....
Monday, September 29, 2008
genes = pigs?
So i was reading an article about gene imprinting for my take home exam and i just thought that the following quote was very interesting...
"In this respect, they're similar to the tyrannical pigs in George Orwell's Animal Farm who famously declared; 'all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.' The same is true for genes, and its often the imprinted genes that are 'more equal' in the formation of human diseases."
after i read this all i could think about where these genes that look like little pigs running around with signs saying "equal but more equal" on them...lol. I'm special what can i say
oh and if for some reason you feel compelled to read the article here is the link...Although its a science paper its really not that hard to understand..at least i don't think it is...plus there are lots of pretty pictures (no piggies though :( .... lol)
ps. disregard the quink quink thing in the picture...that was something i did to make fun of my sister :-P
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
walking contradiction
so ever since i moved to Knoxville, i have had a lot time to think and evaluate myself. This is prolly in large part to the fact that i am not running around like a chicken without her head as much as i was at CNU and the fact that instead of knowing everyone on campus but like 15 people i only know 15 people on campus (that's for another post another day). So i have come up with one main point/characteristic about myself that can basically sum up who i am.
I'm a walking contradiction/ oxymoron
( not sure which word is better to use..i'm sure either beth or janelle will tell me later ...lol )
Allow me to explain....
1)I have a scientific mind but an artistic soul
* most of you who read this already know this but for those of you don't me and happen to stumble to across this blog...my mind works science. I don't want it is, but my thoughts and everything are just very logical and in a scientific manner. I am always thinking about something to do with science and have even been known to relate a scientific topic to a everyday object. For example, one day while studying for an biochemistry test with some friends in the atrium of the science building at CNU, i looked up and saw the rope lights wrapped around one of the palm trees in there. now most people would look at that and think oh its just a rope light, but my first thought was...hey that kinda looks like a alpha helix (think DNA structure but only one strand). So ok...you might be think so what, most people would stop there and say nothing of it...no..not me...i decided to point out this revelation and even used it as a model to show how the amino acids bond to form the structure. That is just how my mind works....it works with science.
However, my soul is another story. my soul longs for beauty, it longs for art, especially visual art. I am always attracted to things have an artistic flair and as many of my friends know i use art myself as a stress reliever. It is my outlet for the turmoils that occur within my soul. since my heart and my soul have been disconnected (see previous post) art is the only way that i can truly express and release what my soul wants to reveal. It wasn't until i came to Knoxville and started grad school that i truly understood how much my soul needs art in order to survive. The first couple of weeks of being all i did was science science science and i as i explained above..i like science i truly do and it was great for my mind but my soul was slowly dying. Here i was filling my mind but starving my soul. I prolly would have gone doing this if it wasn't for my aunt and cousin. They called me up one day and wanted to know if i wanted to meet up with them in a town that was a half-way point between here and where they live. Our original plan was to go to the aquarium there but once i got there and saw all the art that was around me i quickly decided to forgo the aquarium and focus more on the artistic sides of the town. It was so refreshing and def what i needed at the time. That day i concluded that once i get a real job i need to live and work at a place where i will be readily available to art and be surrounded by it and yet still be able to do my scientific research/teaching.
I am not sure i am really explaining this part very well since like i said my mind is scientifc and i'm trying to descibe my artistic soul so if its confusing let me know but yeah this explaination is long enough so i will continue on and try to be breif. Oh and btw...the picture above is one of the few times that my mind and soul have decided to come together to create something.
2)I have been described as and considered myself an extroverted introvert
*The thing that actually made me think about this was looking at an old survey that beth had posted in which she descibed me as an extroverted introvert. this made me think and made me realize that this is truly the perfect desciption of me. See growing up i was always more of an introvert than anything else. but as i went through high school and then espcially in college i began to become more and more extroverted but still retained some of my introverted tendencies. Once again one thing that i have noticed since i moved here is that untill i get used to my surroundings and the enviornment i'm in i will become very introvert and meerily obsevre everyone and everything until i am confortable. Once i have reached this confort level then the extrovert in my comes out and i will talk to anyone. hence i am extroverted introvert.
3)I am Spanish yet French
* Its always fun when people who have see my name before they meet me and then once they do meet me become very confused. you see my name is very french and yet i am tan and have a hispanic complexion. This is due to the fact that my dad's family is french canadian and my mom is columbian therefore french name with dark complexion.
4)I am smart yet stupid
*I'm going to try and make this short by simply saying that i am very book smart (not trying to boast honestly) but when it comes to alot of common sense or "real world" things i am very stupid. if you want to know more you can go to one of my old posts here
5) I'm crazy yet sane (?)
*I like to say that there is a fine line between genius and insanity and i am not quite sure which side i am on. sometimes i wonder how much sanity i truly have since i tend to talk to myself sometimes out loud and in public (oops) but yeah sometimes i feel like i walking on a blurred line and every now and then will fall over onto one side or the other.
I'm a walking contradiction/ oxymoron
( not sure which word is better to use..i'm sure either beth or janelle will tell me later ...lol )
Allow me to explain....
1)I have a scientific mind but an artistic soul
* most of you who read this already know this but for those of you don't me and happen to stumble to across this blog...my mind works science. I don't want it is, but my thoughts and everything are just very logical and in a scientific manner. I am always thinking about something to do with science and have even been known to relate a scientific topic to a everyday object. For example, one day while studying for an biochemistry test with some friends in the atrium of the science building at CNU, i looked up and saw the rope lights wrapped around one of the palm trees in there. now most people would look at that and think oh its just a rope light, but my first thought was...hey that kinda looks like a alpha helix (think DNA structure but only one strand). So ok...you might be think so what, most people would stop there and say nothing of it...no..not me...i decided to point out this revelation and even used it as a model to show how the amino acids bond to form the structure. That is just how my mind works....it works with science.
However, my soul is another story. my soul longs for beauty, it longs for art, especially visual art. I am always attracted to things have an artistic flair and as many of my friends know i use art myself as a stress reliever. It is my outlet for the turmoils that occur within my soul. since my heart and my soul have been disconnected (see previous post) art is the only way that i can truly express and release what my soul wants to reveal. It wasn't until i came to Knoxville and started grad school that i truly understood how much my soul needs art in order to survive. The first couple of weeks of being all i did was science science science and i as i explained above..i like science i truly do and it was great for my mind but my soul was slowly dying. Here i was filling my mind but starving my soul. I prolly would have gone doing this if it wasn't for my aunt and cousin. They called me up one day and wanted to know if i wanted to meet up with them in a town that was a half-way point between here and where they live. Our original plan was to go to the aquarium there but once i got there and saw all the art that was around me i quickly decided to forgo the aquarium and focus more on the artistic sides of the town. It was so refreshing and def what i needed at the time. That day i concluded that once i get a real job i need to live and work at a place where i will be readily available to art and be surrounded by it and yet still be able to do my scientific research/teaching.
I am not sure i am really explaining this part very well since like i said my mind is scientifc and i'm trying to descibe my artistic soul so if its confusing let me know but yeah this explaination is long enough so i will continue on and try to be breif. Oh and btw...the picture above is one of the few times that my mind and soul have decided to come together to create something.
2)I have been described as and considered myself an extroverted introvert
*The thing that actually made me think about this was looking at an old survey that beth had posted in which she descibed me as an extroverted introvert. this made me think and made me realize that this is truly the perfect desciption of me. See growing up i was always more of an introvert than anything else. but as i went through high school and then espcially in college i began to become more and more extroverted but still retained some of my introverted tendencies. Once again one thing that i have noticed since i moved here is that untill i get used to my surroundings and the enviornment i'm in i will become very introvert and meerily obsevre everyone and everything until i am confortable. Once i have reached this confort level then the extrovert in my comes out and i will talk to anyone. hence i am extroverted introvert.
3)I am Spanish yet French
* Its always fun when people who have see my name before they meet me and then once they do meet me become very confused. you see my name is very french and yet i am tan and have a hispanic complexion. This is due to the fact that my dad's family is french canadian and my mom is columbian therefore french name with dark complexion.
4)I am smart yet stupid
*I'm going to try and make this short by simply saying that i am very book smart (not trying to boast honestly) but when it comes to alot of common sense or "real world" things i am very stupid. if you want to know more you can go to one of my old posts here
5) I'm crazy yet sane (?)
*I like to say that there is a fine line between genius and insanity and i am not quite sure which side i am on. sometimes i wonder how much sanity i truly have since i tend to talk to myself sometimes out loud and in public (oops) but yeah sometimes i feel like i walking on a blurred line and every now and then will fall over onto one side or the other.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
coloring....
so last friday i got a package in the mail from Bekah and Aaron. "They" (aka bekah) had sent me a picture from a coloring book of two dinosaurs one that is pink (bekah) and the other one was blue with a black band tshirt and glasses (aaron). Also in the package was a small bruce figurine. Getting the package totally made my day and made me happy so i decided to go to the dollar store and get a coloring book and some small toys to send back to them. Getting the coloring book was prolly a bad idea cause i sit down and color instead of doing my hmwk...oops! but yeah...i just wanted to share and to show you guys a picture that i colored cause it made me happy :-D
well i guess i should prolly get back to work...adios!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
secrets
i'll post about UT later but first i wanted to share a slideshow i made of secrets i saved from LJ secrets and Post Secret.....alot of them i feel like i can relate to in one way or another...enjoy!
Monday, July 28, 2008
lyrics to describe life
Show me the way
Take me to love
Things only heard now I want to feel
My soul caressed by silken breeze
Whisper secrets to listening trees
Show me that world
Take me to love
Show me the way
Take me to love
Come out, blue moon
I need a friend soon
To share what I feel, it's so rare
Shine down on me so I can see
The silver street that leads me to the place I want to be
A wish a dream
Magic go it does seem
Has time stood still just for me
It's saying that we're meant to be together forever one and other's destinys
Show me the way
Take me to love
Things only heard now I wanna see
Sun sets with glowing flowers
Nights live with story shows
Show them that world
Take me to love
Show me the way
Take me to love
Could we fly away
Lie on a cloud all day
Hold hands and get kissed by the sun
Shall we swim out deep
Watch dolphins leap
Like my heart would if you said I was the only one
Show me the way
Take me to love
Things only heard now I wanna be
Running through fields as the bird flies
Lost in the twilight of your eyes
Show me that world
Take me to love
Show them the way
Take them to love
Things only heard now they want to be
Two beings with one beating heart
For their whole lives not to part
Show them the way
Take them to love
ooooooooooh
La-la la-la la la-la-la
Show them the way
La.la la.la
La.la la.la.la
Take them to love
La.la la la.la.la
La.la la.la
La la.la.la
La.la la.la la la.la.la
yeah yeah yeahhhh la.la.la.
La.la.la.la.la.la.la.la.la.la.la.la.laooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh
Take me to love
Things only heard now I want to feel
My soul caressed by silken breeze
Whisper secrets to listening trees
Show me that world
Take me to love
Show me the way
Take me to love
Come out, blue moon
I need a friend soon
To share what I feel, it's so rare
Shine down on me so I can see
The silver street that leads me to the place I want to be
A wish a dream
Magic go it does seem
Has time stood still just for me
It's saying that we're meant to be together forever one and other's destinys
Show me the way
Take me to love
Things only heard now I wanna see
Sun sets with glowing flowers
Nights live with story shows
Show them that world
Take me to love
Show me the way
Take me to love
Could we fly away
Lie on a cloud all day
Hold hands and get kissed by the sun
Shall we swim out deep
Watch dolphins leap
Like my heart would if you said I was the only one
Show me the way
Take me to love
Things only heard now I wanna be
Running through fields as the bird flies
Lost in the twilight of your eyes
Show me that world
Take me to love
Show them the way
Take them to love
Things only heard now they want to be
Two beings with one beating heart
For their whole lives not to part
Show them the way
Take them to love
ooooooooooh
La-la la-la la la-la-la
Show them the way
La.la la.la
La.la la.la.la
Take them to love
La.la la la.la.la
La.la la.la
La la.la.la
La.la la.la la la.la.la
yeah yeah yeahhhh la.la.la.
La.la.la.la.la.la.la.la.la.la.la.la.laooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh
Saturday, January 19, 2008
book smart vs street smart and feeling disconnected
I actually posted this on my lj a few days ago but i felt like posting on here as well...
i really don't know where to start off the entry but i just felt like i should update and write/type a few things....this being said i must warn you that this entry might not flow very well and may be a bit jumble...so just beware. Also i have a headache so that is not going to help things at all.
first off i received an email today from MIT saying that i was not accepted to their graduate program...which i fully expected. but still, its a rejection and it does make me said. i mean like i said i truely didn't think that i was going to get in but it would have been really cool if i had. oh well...i still have 6 other programs that i am applying to so yea. we shall see
maybe its cause of the rain, maybe cause i have been sitting in my room for the past 6 hours doing nothing, maybe its the rejection from MIT or a little bit of all the above...but all of a sudden i am feeling very lonely...very ugly and slightly depressed. my resolution for this year was to have a better outlook on the way i look and to love the person who i am and therefore increase my self confidence cause lets face it ....i have very low self confidence outside of the academic realm
I mean in the classroom i am very confident in my intelligence and i admit that i am also proud of my intelligence. i am not trying to be boastful...just honest. but take me out of the classroom and but into real life and sometimes i feel like a fish out of water. i feel like there is so much about life that i don't know how to do. Like i know almost nothing about fashion...i know absolutely nothing about makeup or guys ( mean i dated chase twice after all). I feel like there is so much that i don't know that i wished i did but i don't know where to start. i dunno...i just don't know.
This is what i want to work on
This in essence is what my new year's resolution is about
but how do i go about changing these things?
i don't know
Speaking of things that i want to work on...i also want to work on the connection between my mind and my emotions or lack there of.
let me explain.
as some of you may or may not know...i hated middle school! this was due to the fact that during middle school (especially 6th and 7th grade)i was picked and bullied on...so much so that during lunch i would eat as fast as i could so that way i could go to the library and spend of the rest of lunch there. I also remember feeling like i just wanted to crawl up into a hole and die...i hated my life during that time that much. High school come around and my tormentors are lost in the mix of people. Also by this time i was so fed up with being picked on and stuff that i decided that was it! I would not take it anymore. So whenever anyone began to pick on me...even jokingly i would get upset and lash out. i remember that there was this one time that a friend of my said something to me and i was so upset that i kicked him in the shin and according to him it left a bruise. now this guy was a soccer player so that is saying something.
Anyways, unbeknown to me, at the same time i was lashing out i was also severing the connection between my emotions and my heart from that of my thoughts and my brain. I had subconsciously packaged up my emotions and my feelings and locked them safely away somewhere so that way people could not hurt me the way they had in the past. I think part of me knew that i was doing this but didn't truely understand what i was doing till recently. It really makes me sad that i did this but from a scientist POV i find it fascinating to see how i have used this as a mode of self defense and survival.
What upset me even more is that because i have being doing this for so long...i have no idea how to reverse it or if i even can. I want to but its hard...very hard. my emotions and my brain have been disconnected for so long now...part of fears that i would not like who i would be if they were reunited again...but at the same time i really want they connected. so yeah.
well that is enough of me analyzing things and being emo...i am going to go do something now..
i really don't know where to start off the entry but i just felt like i should update and write/type a few things....this being said i must warn you that this entry might not flow very well and may be a bit jumble...so just beware. Also i have a headache so that is not going to help things at all.
first off i received an email today from MIT saying that i was not accepted to their graduate program...which i fully expected. but still, its a rejection and it does make me said. i mean like i said i truely didn't think that i was going to get in but it would have been really cool if i had. oh well...i still have 6 other programs that i am applying to so yea. we shall see
maybe its cause of the rain, maybe cause i have been sitting in my room for the past 6 hours doing nothing, maybe its the rejection from MIT or a little bit of all the above...but all of a sudden i am feeling very lonely...very ugly and slightly depressed. my resolution for this year was to have a better outlook on the way i look and to love the person who i am and therefore increase my self confidence cause lets face it ....i have very low self confidence outside of the academic realm
I mean in the classroom i am very confident in my intelligence and i admit that i am also proud of my intelligence. i am not trying to be boastful...just honest. but take me out of the classroom and but into real life and sometimes i feel like a fish out of water. i feel like there is so much about life that i don't know how to do. Like i know almost nothing about fashion...i know absolutely nothing about makeup or guys ( mean i dated chase twice after all). I feel like there is so much that i don't know that i wished i did but i don't know where to start. i dunno...i just don't know.
This is what i want to work on
This in essence is what my new year's resolution is about
but how do i go about changing these things?
i don't know
Speaking of things that i want to work on...i also want to work on the connection between my mind and my emotions or lack there of.
let me explain.
as some of you may or may not know...i hated middle school! this was due to the fact that during middle school (especially 6th and 7th grade)i was picked and bullied on...so much so that during lunch i would eat as fast as i could so that way i could go to the library and spend of the rest of lunch there. I also remember feeling like i just wanted to crawl up into a hole and die...i hated my life during that time that much. High school come around and my tormentors are lost in the mix of people. Also by this time i was so fed up with being picked on and stuff that i decided that was it! I would not take it anymore. So whenever anyone began to pick on me...even jokingly i would get upset and lash out. i remember that there was this one time that a friend of my said something to me and i was so upset that i kicked him in the shin and according to him it left a bruise. now this guy was a soccer player so that is saying something.
Anyways, unbeknown to me, at the same time i was lashing out i was also severing the connection between my emotions and my heart from that of my thoughts and my brain. I had subconsciously packaged up my emotions and my feelings and locked them safely away somewhere so that way people could not hurt me the way they had in the past. I think part of me knew that i was doing this but didn't truely understand what i was doing till recently. It really makes me sad that i did this but from a scientist POV i find it fascinating to see how i have used this as a mode of self defense and survival.
What upset me even more is that because i have being doing this for so long...i have no idea how to reverse it or if i even can. I want to but its hard...very hard. my emotions and my brain have been disconnected for so long now...part of fears that i would not like who i would be if they were reunited again...but at the same time i really want they connected. so yeah.
well that is enough of me analyzing things and being emo...i am going to go do something now..
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